Not Me!! Monday

This blog carnival is the brain child of MckMama. Check out her blog to see what others have NOT been up to this week.

This past Tuesday evening I did NOT go to a friend's house for a Girl's Movie Night and end up not even turning on the movie. She and I did NOT just sit on the couch drinking rum and cokes and chatting until 1am. Ahem, NOT us!

If you had bugged my home with a secret listening device this week you definitely would NOT have heard me say to my 2 year old: "Stop that this instant! You are not a feral raccoon, you are a human child and will behave as such!" You would also NOT have heard me say "No Honey, Mama will not talk to your penis......yes, Sweetheart, I will talk to your bellybutton. That's fine." No, I would never EVER have an occasion to say such things.

I also did NOT get a wild hair one afternoon this week and decide to take down the wallpaper in our upstairs bathroom. And if I had, I definitely would have finished the project speedily and I would NOT have gotten bored of scraping wallpaper glue off the wall after two days and taken an indefinite hiatus from the project. Um no, NOT me!!

And I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I keep a spotless home. My family is always well groomed and if you were to stop by our home at this very minute, we would be as we always are....wearing starched shirts, sitting in our parlor with perfectly coiffed hair admiring our doilie collection, drinking tea with our pinkies raised and discussing water polo. You know, "the usual." So it would of course stand to reason that this weekend I would NEVER EVER have let my child have rule of the kitchen counter to "make cinnamon rolls" and essentially turn himself into an Oompa Loompa.







And if I had I certainly would NEVER have hurried to clean up the mess before my neatnik husband came home. I would have never EVER showed Mr. TidyPants the pictures of our little orange angel and giggled as he turned white in horror. Nope, never. NOT ME!!!